At the risk of sounding like a five foot four grinch with balyage hair in desperate need of a touch up, I am going to say it anyway...
I'm just not feeling all that Christmassy this year.
I'm glad I got that off my chest.
Look, please don't get me wrong, because I am feeling joy and love and gratitude and all the things that should come wrapped up with a big shiny bow at this time of the year.
It's just that alongside that glittery package of Christmas joy under the tree, I stumbled upon another little package, one that you kinda want to ignore and leave there unopened... but I kinda sorta went and opened it anyway and inside it I found... sadness.
Normally at this time of the year I am busy immersing myself in all the decorations and the wrapping of gifts and I am instagramming the crap out of our Elf on the Shelf and his ridiculous antics and I'm blogging about Christmas and recipes and all sorts of Merry things.
But this year I haven't really felt like it and instead I have found myself wanting to withdraw from the world, to quietly wrap my arms around my family, to hug my husband hard and to tell my children how much I love them.
This year, more than ever before I have wanted to reach out to people privately to let them know that for what it is worth - I am thinking of them and that I am grateful for knowing them in any way that I do.
This year, I just haven't felt... I don't know... right? about blogging about Christmas when our world is crying.
I don't know if 'right' is really the word I am looking for, but I am struggling to come up with a better word to describe how I feel and how the idea of popping champagne and fussing over what to cook for Christmas dinner seems so insignificant when so many atrocities are playing out every minute in places like Aleppo and when I have friends who are mourning for loved ones who should be here... but no longer are.
Maybe 'guilt' is a better choice.
I don't know, and I guess it doesn't really matter what word I choose to use, but I just wanted to explain (in case you were wondering) why there has been a noticeable absence of Christmassy stuff here on the blog this year.
So there you have it, and this year instead, if it's ok. with you.. I am just going to excuse myself from the usual Christmas hype.
I am going to park the blog until after Christmas, and spend this time gathering my loved ones close and quietly relishing in my blessings and all I have to be grateful for.
Before I do though, I just wanted to wish you all with ALL my heart - the very Merriest of Christmases.
I hope it is one that creates the most incredible memories for you that will last a lifetime, one that makes your heart feel full to the brim
May you laugh... hard, may you love and be loved even harder, and may the new year bring some peace for you and me and for all of us around the world.
Merry Christmas you guys.