The traits that we inherit from our parents, and then those traits further develop and fine tune before we inherently pass them on to our own children and so on and so on?
I'm not talking about uncooperative cowlicks, mono brows, dimples, bucky front teeth or even embarrassingly webbed little pinky toes (thanks Mum, Sorry Sam) or any other weird and wonderful physical quirks.
Nope I've got my finger firmly pointing at those various things we say and do that we realise our parents also said and did and then suddenly one day we look at our kids saying and doing those things and then we're all "Holy Shitballs - you are me, I mean I am you, I mean ... YOU SO DID NOT GET THAT FROM ME..... did you?"
One day... a long long time ago, a little girl was doing her best impersonation of a little turd. This particular day she had spent arguing with her brother, hiding empty smoked oyster tins under bed and letting an abandoned stray cat give birth to five kittens on her bedroom floor before her mother turned to her and screeched despairingly "One day, you'll get yours!"
The mother denies this of course, although I am going to go out on a limb and blame age for her not remembering such a heavily loaded threat (ahem - notice I didn't say OLD age mum? You're welcome).
Many moons later we stumble upon the scene of another nerve frazzled mother who finds herself face to face with her very own turd interpretation.
"Stop!" She cries, upon empty ears.
"Stop dumping all your clean clothes in the laundry because you can't be bothered putting them away!"
"Stop hiding empty chip packets and watermelon skins between the cushions on the couch."
"Stop pegging shoes at your brother. Stop throwing coast hangers at your brother. JUST STOP IT ALREADY!"
Silence.... before the mother who has by now developed a very unbecoming eye twitch, moves in reaaaaaal close to the turdish one and with a flick of her pesky cowlick she stamps her webbed toe, raises her hairy monobrow (wait no, I dealt with that years ago) and hisses through genetically bucked teeth... "One day you'll get yours!"
"hahahaha you're eyes twitch when you are mad mum...Whatever" comes the nonchalant response from the talking turd before he grabs the last slice of watermelon and walks from the room.
"WHATEVER? WHATEVER!" she shrieks. "How dare you say Whatever to me, your mother, your own flesh and blood who gave you life and admittedly a whole lotta wonky genes" she calls after him in vain.
She spins on her heels to her snickering husband and demands "Did you hear that? He said WHATEVER to me. How?... Where the... WTF????!!! Where'd that come from?" she squeals.
"Ummmm you!" the husband replies rather hesitantly as he backs away from the room.
"ME???? Pfft as if! They so DO NOT get that kind of stuff from me!" she snarls.
***** crickets *****
"WHATEVER" she says with a single finger salute and storms from the room.
I think the theory is that hand me down traits are somehow caused by enthusiastic little clumps of DNA that attach themselves to cells and stuff in the baby making process and then they lie dormant whilst their new host acts all cute and sweet and baby like and then one day... BAM! They awaken and possess their host and leave you completely dumb founded as you stare at this once cute human being and they stare back at you all "Whaaaaat" like and WHAM! You feel like you are staring into a mirror and yet it is this creature who is some kind of mutated genetic cocktail of your kid AND your mother AND your father AND (insert any other influential relative) staring back at you.
Yeah, you know what I am talking about.
Oh and for the record... I got the middle finger salute from my Dad's side.
OK Fess up - what do you say that reminds you of the things your parents might have said to you once? You know the things that you swore on your sweet Strawberry Shortcake you would never ever in your lifetime say or do?
What about your kids? See any frustratingly familiar traits coming through?
I Smell Change In The Air