I've been with my husband Carl for more of my life than I have been without him.
Given we had our first 'pash' when I was 17 and have been together ever since, it would be fair to say we are what you would call ummm 'very familiar' with each other.
Heck the poor guy had to carry me to the bathroom when my legs were out of action and like most dads these days, he stood at the business end of the birthing table with our three boys and so he has pretty much been acquainted to bits of me that I haven't even met.
I was chatting to some friends about our hubby's recently... over a glass or two of wine (as we often do) and we got to talking about what we do and don't allow our partners to be a part of in our every day life and boundaries we each have within our relationships.
Things like - whether you pee with the door open or closed?
You know, REAL MATURE STUFF like that.
Two of us were all "suuuuuree, why not". One was a very definite no, and the other said she wouldn't be phased but was pretty sure her hubby wouldn't be so keen on it.
Naturally, we were all surprised by the difference stances we each had on this and so we just dived on in and started questioning each other on other areas, things such as these;
Do you brush your teeth in front of your partner?
3/4 were: yep absolutely
1/4 was: Nope. Bathroom business is my business.
Do you let your partner wash your worn underwear?
2/4 were: Hell yes, if he is up for washing anything, who are we to stop him.
1/4 was: No way, ewww, no way at all.
1/4 was: Ha, I don't think he even knows what a washing machine is.
Would you let your partner clip your toenails if for some reason you couldn't reach them?
2/4 were: Nup. No way, FAR too dangerous.
1/4 was: Definitely not. That is so gross.
1/4 was: Yeah sure, he massages my feet so why not!
Would you let your partner help you dye your hair?
1/4 was: Hell yes, all the time.
1/4 was: Are you kidding me? It would be everywhere but the hair.
1/4 was: Nope the trip to the salon to get it done is pretty much my only down time.
1/4 was: No, I don't think he even knows my hair is not naturally this colour, he thinks I just wake up like this and I intend on leaving it that way.
Lights on or lights off?
2/4 were: Lights off.... whenever possible. He won't see the bits that have gone all wobbly that way.
1/4 was: Whatever goes. I'm not fussed.
1/4 was: Lights on.
Do you talk to your partner about any gossip, issues or arguments you might have to do with your friends?
3/4 were: Yep if he is happy to listen I'll tell him everything.
1/4 was: Not really, sometimes, but not that much. I don't think he really needs to hear all that sort of stuff.
Do you get ready for a date night in front of your partner?
1/4 was: Yep, we usually only have a few minutes to ourselves to get ready and out the door so we have to get ready in front of each other.
2/4 were: Preferably not. We like to surprise him but if we were rushed for time then it isn't that important.
1/4 was: No, I love the look on his face when he sees me all ready to go.
Just so you know, I do actually have my girlfriends permission to share this convo with you guys, just as long as I don't say who they are or which one was their answer.. for obvious reasons.
The interesting thing about this conversation we had is that three out of four of us have all been married for over ten years and the other was married more recently (second marriage).
The one who is more recently married is also the one who is least inclined to share everything with her husband.
I couldn't help myself - I had to ask; Is it because she doesn't feel comfortable sharing those things with her husband? Is it because of how she feels or because of how he feels... or both?
Her answer was that she felt that one of the biggest reasons her first marriage didn't last was because they simply lost all their romance. They became far too familiar with each other over time and ended up more like friends.
Alright so if I am totally honest, I may have started panicking a little at this point because... wasn't that the good thing about my hubby's and my relationship? That we are best friends and don't think twice about sharing any thing with each other?
Maybe, I have been getting it wrong all this time??!!
But what happens when you get like really really old and one of you has good eyesight still and the other has dentures and bad eyesight? Surely it is OK to ask your partner to put your teeth in the jar of cleaner for you?
Now I am really curious.
What about you and your partner?
Are you a no secrets kind of couple or do you like to keep a bit of mystery between you?