I'm Just a Big Old Fraud | Life Love and Hiccups: I'm Just a Big Old Fraud
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Wednesday, 29 July 2015

I'm Just a Big Old Fraud

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Do you ever feel like a fraud when it comes to being an adult?

I do!

In many ways (although my body would have me believe otherwise) I still feel like I am a clumsy teenager fumbling my way into the world of grown ups, and much like the little girl getting busted for massacring her mum's good lippy and breaking the heels off her favourite shoes - I half expect someone to grab me by the collar and scold me for pretending to be a grown up ... you know, trying to fool everyone in to believing I am older than I really am and all that.

The thing is, I don't really feel any older on the inside.

I'm still afraid of being on my own at night, I still refuse to eat my Brussels sprouts and I wouldn't for even one minute think that when someone says something like "ask the lady" that they are actually referring to me!.

Bloody hell no!

One of my boys asked me what it's like to be an adult when we were in the car on the way to school the other day and I was all "I dunno, why dontcha ask an adult".

He looked at me like I was bonkers and I'm sure he couldn't decide whether I had hit my head and lost my marbles or I was just completely full of shit.

Whilst it's been a long time since I was asked for id (like a looooong time), and you could totally be excused for thinking an eight year old did my makeup on some days, and not to mention that I still cannot for the life of me walk in high heels - I AM a grown up.

I'm a proper bonafide adult and yet I still feel like a big old fraud when I find myself doing grown up things.

Take for example, the other day I was sitting in an accountants office signing a whole load of businessy paperwork for a whole load of businessy stuff and despite the fact that I knew I had a good ten years on the guy I was dealing with, I kept waiting for him to ask me to get a grown up to sign for me.

I felt like I should be looking around for someone to step in for me, like an adult perhaps? Or at least someone who is more adultier than me. But there wasn't anyone to step in for me, because there wasn't anyone any more adulty in that room than me.

Now that's a sobering thought.

Being the oldest in a room.

Holy shitballs!

I was the baby of the family. I was the one who begged everyone to NOT treat me like the baby.

What the hell happened?

One minute I'm this timid little ten year old who thought that anyone over 25 was practically geriatric and then suddenly... BAM... I have adult stamped all over my face in the form of crows feet and laugh lines, my bones are staring to creak and I have these little people who look at me like they expect I should have a half a clue about being in charge of stuff.

I swear we somehow skipped a decade or two.

I don't think people actually lie about their age.

Nup, I think they are so damn shellshocked with the speed at which they aged that they simply lost track of the years... or at least that's what I'm going with from here on in.

Do you feel like a fair dinkum proper grown up? Does it scare you?
Or do you still feel at least 10 years behind what the age on your passport says?