My heart aches today for the world we know and as a mum I am so desperately sad for the future our children face.
I have struggled with digesting the eruption of terror and war around the world that has escalated, and I am consumed with fear and guilt.
This morning I shouted at one of my boys for not feeding the bird when I asked him to. Something soooo ridiculously lame and stupid given the news of recent days.
Immediately I felt guilt at the lameness of what I was getting worked up over because in my heart I know millions of mother's in war torn countries would give anything to have such a lame thing to worry about rather than the unfathomable fear of whether their children will survive the day.
As news of the threats against Australians continues to break, there is guilt over the injustice I feel that this could be happening on our own soil.
There is also guilt I feel over the potential loss of the freedom I have always taken for granted when the reality is so many have lived with a lack of freedom their whole damn lives.
I feel guilty for the fear itself when that very same fear is sadly a normal part of living for so many of our fellow Mum's and Dads in war torn countries.
I feel guilty because I know that my fear is nothing in comparison to what they must feel every moment of every single day.
I genuinely feel for so many people in our own country, not just for the threat that has been exposed to us, but I feel sick at the thought of the hatred that will be directed towards innocent peace loving Muslims and those who may not even share that faith but share the same ethnicity and therefore will therefore be bundled in with and targeted.
I struggle with how I can protect my children from a future that has suddenly been clouded and I am angry that anyone would want to make us feel this way.
And so I have chosen to fight back by not letting this fear steal our joy.
In fact, I am grateful to a degree, because although the hateful terrorists may have intended to breed fear, I believe they have also un-willingly bred compassion and tolerance among the wider community.
They have made me mindful of how I can bring more peace to our every day and so love, tolerance and respect is what I will continue to teach my children. I will also continue to pray to anything and anyone for a safe future for our kids and their kids.
I am not one for war combat, and I do not engage in discussions about politics and religion. Each to their own is how I live my life, but from this day forth I do declare war on hatred and my weapon of choice is love and tolerance.
I urge you all in light of the state of our world, to hug your neighbour, embrace your enemy and fight back with an unwavering love for mankind and commitment to restoring peace.
Spread the love people, even if it is the only thing we can do right now, it is still very much something and a huge investment in the future our children face.
How are you feeling right now?
Are you scared too?