Have you ever seen that e card meme that has done the rounds and says "You're making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined"? Here's a refresher just in case you haven't seen it for a while...
See that woman in the picture?
No really it is. Except if it was a completely accurate picture of me I would be standing at the kitchen sink with venom spewing out of my mouth, horns coming out of my head and I would possibly even have a pointed tail too.
Let me take you back to this morning, to the precise time I believed I earned my horns. A time when I officially lost it and sunk to an all new low.
It had been a particularly crazy morning which is really just a nice way of saying this morning stunk like a pile of poo. Everyone is our house is currently snotty, coughing or a combo of both and patience is running very very low among the ranks.
It was 7.55am and I had been
So in between not doing what they were supposed to be doing and raiding some digital rivals village, they were also waging the usual morning war on each other.
They were being particularly whiny this morning, the poor sick sods. You know that whiny high pitched squealing that cranky snotty kids make? Yep that times three, and basically well... I just lost it.
"Put your shoes on NOW" I yelled in a vain attempt to be heard above their arguing.
"Myyyyyy socks hurt! He keeps laughing at me! I need moooooore time!" they whined.
"You have TWO MINUTES to get those shoes on and brush your hair" I shouted in my best just try and mess with me mummy voice.
They kept fighting, and shouting, and coughing and whining until I could literally take it no more and I snapped.
"PUT YOUR FFFAAAAACGRRRRRAHHHHING mmmmmfgghh SHOES ON" I screamed at them.
Yeah, I did.
I came 'this' close to screaming the f word at them.
I have never been 'that' close before.
I mean I have dropped the F Bomb in front of them when I accidentally let go of a pile of mangoes on the escalator at Woolies and caused a massive pile up, but come on that was mangoes and practically a catastrophic event.
Never before have I been so close to actually directing the F word at them.
They looked at me with mouths gaping.
"Did she just....?"
"She nearly did"
"She was going to"
And with that I burst into tears.
I honestly don't know what shocked them more - the fact that I just very nearly screamed 'Fire Truck' at them or that Mummy was standing in the kitchen holding a takeaway flask of coffee in one hand, a dirty dishcloth in the other and sobbing like someone just stole her lunch money.
One by one they came and gave me cuddles and told me how sorry they were and I told them I was sorry too and cuddled them right back. The shoes went on very quickly and not another word was spoken until it was time to leave. They communicated with each other via hand signals and nervous expressions and I stood in the kitchen sipping my coffee and feeling like crap.
This wasn't the kind of parent I imagined I would be. Granted there were no whiny and uncooperative arguing kids in my day dreams either but seriously have I let mornings get to me that much?
Clash of the Clan is now officially banned in the mornings at our house. We are going back to an egg timer system of getting ready and Mummy is on an official warning.
My youngest kindly informed me that perhaps buying them an iTunes card might make me feel better about what nearly happened this morning.
I told him that you shouldn't go waving a red flag at an injured bull.
Please tell me you have lost it at least once this bad in front of your kids?
If you haven't, just lie and make me feel better.
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