Contemplation | Life Love and Hiccups: Contemplation
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Thursday, 6 February 2014

Contemplation

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I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately. Thought cleansing I like to call it. The type of mental filing and sorting that is only possible when you step back from everything, and watch rather than participate for a while.

It's only when I stop for a while that I notice just how noisy my mind has become and I wonder how on earth I have managed to function at all.

Last year for me was all about big life changes. After realising that I was the only one holding myself back from living a life that fulfils me rather than just occupies me,  I took a mighty big leap and made some huge changes. I changed my career, changed my pace and even had a go at changing my appearance. My mid life crisis is what I like to jokingly refer to it as.

This year is about making changes on the inside, opening up to myself and to others and feeding my soul.

For a while I've been feeling generally uninspired and my usual flow of creativity had all but dried up. My memory has been scattered and anxiety in overdrive and sick of feeling like this I finally decided to sort through all of the stuff I have been hoarding in my head.

40 years worth to be precise.

I've come to realise that I am just like my kids and my head is like their bedrooms. As kids typically do - they get something out and play with it for a while but instead of putting it away when they are done with it, they just leave it lying around on the floor and move on to the next thing. They keep getting more and more stuff out until finally it gets to the point that you can't even get into their bedroom anymore for all of the crap on the floor and then someone (usually me) has no choice but to get in there and clean it up.

That's what my mind has become. A big bloody messy room full of shit.

I have mountains of crap up there I have been hanging on to. Ideas that have never been used, resentments that have never been dealt with and opinions that I have never shared. And then there's all of the dreams and passions running around shouting at the fear and guilt. Is it really any wonder I feel like I can't think with all that noise going on?

So if it seems I have been a little quieter than usual lately, it's because I have been busy sorting through the mess and tidying things up. It's a work in process, but for the first time in ages I feel like I am getting somewhere, I am starting to to feel inspired again and I can't wait to share it with you all.

I don't think my mind will ever be like one of those modern contemporary spaces where everything is neatly compartmentalised, that's just not who I am. But what I have noticed is that as I sort through the mess and dispose of the crap I've been hanging on to, I'm suddenly finding all the good stuff again, the stuff that feeds my soul.

Now if you'll please excuse me, I have some trash to take out.

When was the last time you did a clean out up there?
What do you do to keep your mind from becoming overcluttered?