In fact I pin the entire blame on the collar of the morons that do not understand the concept of the Kiss and Drop line. You alone have caused me to crack the shits and go and get my ranty pants on.
Besides, I figure it is probably safer to have a rant here with you guys than to get out of my car, make a scene and embarrass my kids beyond redemption.
But then again....
In life there are rules and hey I'm all for breaking many of them if necessary. But when people break rules that inconvenience others, put people in danger or just basically show what a tool you are, I start getting a little hot and bothered.
The way Kiss and drop works is really very simple. Drive up, Line up, Stop whilst your kids exit the car and drive off. Be quick, be safe and be considerate.
Well then WHY the hell can't some people get it??
Last week I watched on from my spot in the non moving queue as a woman in a Mercedes held us all up whilst she argued with one of our teachers about whether you can park in the Kiss and Drop Zone or not ... she didn't even go to our freaking school.
She got off lightly. I honked but really I would have preferred to slap her.
Now lets get something straight, I'm not talking about the newbie parents who have not yet learnt the etiquette of the Kiss and Drop Line. No sirree. They are given at least 3 months from the start of school to get their head around it all. And I'm not referring to Grandma or Grandpa who are helping out by dropping the grand kids off - they are just simply awesome for helping out and could make a killing if they hired themselves out.
Nope, I have identified the 6 main Kiss and Drop Culprits we love to hate.
You may recognise some of these from your own school experience in the line up, but please PLEASE don't tell me you are one of them .... I just don't know if I could cope.
The Kamikaze Dropper
These Mums and Dads screech up to the line at 60 plus, the kids are out of the car in 10 seconds flat and bags are chucked out the window as they drive off down the street.
I don't completely dislike their style and I may have performed some of their distinctive manoeuvres myself in the past. But Come on... we know you are in a hurry and good on you for speeding things up, but there are no bonus points to be earned for driving straight through the school crossing without stopping.... Tossers!
These guys pull up at the front of the queue and begin their goodbye rituals. Kisses, hugs, and more big smoochy kisses. They may even be seen jumping out of the car for an extra smooch as their child attempts to enter the school.
I get it, you love them, you may even miss them for the day.... but for God's sake please tone it down to a maximum of 5 kisses and don't get out of the frigging car!
Errr I CANNOT stand this type and I am frequently forced to show great restraint and not actually get out of my own car to kick their fender. They think they are above lining up with the rest of us and either drive right up the side of the queue and straight to the front or they cut in by turning from the opposite direction.
They are ballsy, I'll give them that - but they are also complete morons.
Hmmm I feel for these guys as they clearly have separation issues. These are the parents that pull up to the front and get out of the car where they proceed to fix hair, check bags, straighten uniforms spit clean their kid's faces and then stand there waving until their child is finally out of sight. Only then do they get back in their car and move forward ever so slightly hoping to catch a final glimpse or spot their child in the playground.
All I will say to you is please think of everyone else that is waiting behind you whilst you check if your child remembered to pack his Pokemon cards and guess what? - traffic lights on the way to school are the perfect time for the spit and scrub routine.
The Ring Ins.
Ummm you suck!
These are people who have kids that go to the school across the road and it is more convenient for them to park and run over the road to grab their kids. I get it and hey I am all about convenience, but please don't park in OUR school's Kiss and Drop Zone.
Sometimes these people don't even have kids, they just need a park close to the shops. Well you Dingbats, listen here. You are singlehandedly stuffing up the whole bloody system and create complete chaos and mayhem as cars and buses all go nuts attempting to get around your car.
If I had more guts, I may be tempted to let their tyres down. If my kids are reading this .... mummy's only joking darlings, that would be a very VERY naughty thing to do. hmmmmpfffffff mmmm ggrrrr
These are the social butterflys who see the Kiss and Drop line as a great opportunity to catch up with fellow school parents. They lean out their windows to chat to those walking past and don't move forward, causing the line to bank up. Worse still they quickly jump out of the car for a quick chat to the car behind them, get back in to move forward a little as the line progresses and then back out again for another quick chat.
Harmless really, but annoying? Yes Very!
So did I miss any?
Does this do your head in as much as it does mine?
Should I just shut up and go back to my Vodka and episode of Deal or No Deal?