I just wanted to say the BIGGEST and most heartfelt thank you that has possibly ever been said before in human history.
Your beautiful messages and emails that were so full of comforting words and prayers that you sent me after yesterday's post gave me such an incredible amount of strength and I really REALLY needed that right now because I was beginning to feel like my well of strength had run itself dry.
I am blown away by just how many of our friends in this online community of ours have gone through something similar or are in fact going through it right now. For so many different reasons, so many of you are playing the God awful waiting game or have played it sometime in the past.
I want you to know that the fact that you reached out to me and shared your own stories and your own fears, truly makes you my heroes.
I debated telling my story yesterday, or kind of half telling my story. But after spending the weekend online trying to find others who are in the same position as I am ... you know in limbo and scared shitless, I HOPED that by me telling my story I might (if I was lucky) reach that one other frightened soul out there who is madly googling for answers and company to get them through too.
Incredibly I did reach some of you - sadly in fact it seems I may have reached many more of you than I had ever expected and I want you to know you are totally in my thoughts.
I am praying for you ... I am praying for us.
A beautiful woman called Pria sent me an email yesterday, and among her gorgeous words was this gem;
"Whilst you don't yet have any definitive results yet Sonia (and either do I ) that should actually give us hope and whilst there is hope there is a certain kind of magic that can happen and that particular kind of magic is what make miracles happen. Hang on to that hope, it is more powerful than you could ever imagine".
I may be busting my guts to find strength and positivity, hope is something I do have and damned if I will let that bleed dry.
So I am going to do what so many of you beautiful people suggested. I am going to distract myself whilst I wait for the answers that I know will eventually come, by spending time with my beautiful family and doing the things I love. I am going to write and then write some more. I am going to craft the crap out of anything and everything that isn't bolted down and I am going to soak in many a bath until I am mistaken for a some kind of shrivelled up fruit.
I am going to find reasons to laugh as much as I can and I will laugh insanely like a mad woman until it feels natural again and I am going to allow myself to cry when I need to.
And by God I am going to hope, for me, for you and for anyone of us who is going through a really shitty time right now.
Thank you, I cannot possibly say it enough or with any more conviction than I am right now. THANK YOU.