This happened to me the other day at Pancakes at the Rocks. I walked in to the most God awful smell and I paused for a moment and thought to myself - I can turn around and make a hasty retreat or I can go in quickly and hope no one comes in whilst I am in here. My bladder insisted I stay!
So I am in the cubicle and weeing as fast as I can whilst simultaneously breathing through my mouth and praying no one else comes in. Multitasking extraordinaire I tell ya.
Then I heard it, the creaking of the door and the thud of the cubicle door closing beside me. This was quickly followed by a quiet but forceful exhalation of air and although I couldn't see my neighbour, I could just picture her face all screwed up as she sat on the toilet and recoiled from the horror of the smell.
Damn it! I know she thinks that I did it. Why does this always happen to me?
If I fart then I am happy to own it, but I didn't stain this public bathroom with this putrid smell. I am so not taking the blame.
I'm thinking if I quickly finish my business and perform a super speedy handwash, I could get out of here before she comes out, and she won't be able to put a face to the smell that I just know she is sitting in there all smug like and assuming is mine.
I'm pulling everything back up when I hear the sound of her yanking the toilet paper from the dispenser. Shit shit got to hurry. Oh damn it - my skirt is caught in my undies.
A quick yank, tug and a flush and I am heading to the sink.
I hear her zipping as I turn the tap on and reach for the soap, but the soap dispenser is empty so I have to go to the other sink.
Crap *cue frantic hand scrubbing*
Too little too late! My cubicle neighbour is coming out and as fate would have it she just has to be a perfectly made up young woman in her late twenties or early thirties.
She glances at me as she makes her way over to the sink.
"That soap's empty, you can use mine" I offer. "Geez Sonia", my head says, "like you own the soap or something".
She took some soap and returned to her basin without a word, but from the corner of my eye I could see her screwing up her nose.
Damn, she does think it was me that made this smell.
I can't help myself, I turn to her and say "Wow, this bathroom stinks doesn't it, some poor bugger didn't agree with the food". And I snort.
WHAT? REALLY? That's what I come up with and a frigging snort too *head smack*. The whole time the words are coming out of my mouth, all I can think is "Smelt it Dealt it".
She gave me a small smile and pointed to my skirt "You have toilet paper sticking out of your skirt". And with that she walked out.
Man I hate it when that happens, being blamed for a smell I didn't make as well as getting toilet paper stuck in my undies just to you know, completely smash the ego.
Feeling deflated, I opened the door to leave just as another older woman was walking into the bathroom.
"It stinks in there and I didn't do it" I snap and walk out.
Have you ever been blamed for a smell that you didn't make?
Why the hell is it not the law that every public bathroom has an automatic air freshener that detects smells and zaps them with odour eliminating molecules.
Why is it always me?