Thursday, 13 December 2012

The One Where I Was a Catwalk Model and Other Random Moments

Pin It I had a moment yesterday, which in the big picture is nothing out of the ordinary really is it, as my life seems to be typically made up of a lot of random moments.... many of them too strange to talk about out loud.

Anyway this moment in particular occurred whilst I was waiting for the kettle to boil, something which seemed like it was taking an extraordinary length of time. Exciting stuff huh - boiling kettles - stay with me.

I feel sorry for this lovely kettle of mine. I bought it to replace the electric kettle, and I was totally bedazzled by its shiny beauty and the romantic image I had of me pottering around the kitchen whilst I wait for the whistle to herald it is time for my coffee ritual to begin. I would busy myself casually arranging flowers into little vintage glass jars to scatter throughout the house and inhaling the warm smell of the fresh bread I have baking in the oven.

I am so full of crap - I cant bake bread to save my life, I have been reading way to many Country Living Magazines and lets be honest, I just wanted the shiny new kettle because I thought it would look good in my kitchen.

We had the kettle for a mere week before it was replaced by a swanky new coffee machine - a birthday gift for my husband from my parents. It makes the best coffee ever and only highlighted the fact that my shiny new kettle takes way too long to get its whistle on.

Man did I just digress. Talk about a short attention span.

Look There's a squirrell.......

Back to that moment of mine I was telling you about.

I had a bit of the old Florence pumping on the Ipod Dock and you know what her music is like. It's strong and powerful and motivating and next thing I know I was flouncing from one end of the house to the other with Hips swinging, a nonchalant twist to my duck pout, hands poised ready to slide into position on my waist as I came in for the heel spin and head toss.

No Shit. I kid you not.

I was pretending to be a model on a catwalk.

I have no idea what possessed me, but the imaginary crowd applauding me and gawking at my statuesque beauty spurred me on. They were begging for more. And so not wanting to disappoint - I gave it to them.

One more dramatic heel spin at the end of the runway and I surprised and delighted them all with a gracious wave and kiss casually blown to the crowd. A wink of the eye and a sexy raise of the eyebrow and I was off leaving my fans to wonder at my awesomeness.

Clearly I have not developed much mentally since I was 8.

I would most likely have decided to delight my fans with one more appearance on the runway, had it not been for the whistle of the kettle piercing my eardrums and the dogs going ape shit at the courier that was banging on my front door.

I'm not sure if this moment was a tribute to a long forgotten childhood, a subconscious dream begging to escape or a sign that the Silly Season has taken it's toll and I need to adjust my meds.

But Holy Cow I blew them away on that catwalk.

This is totally how my bread would have turned out, you know if I was baking for reals.