When I was a kid I thought I was really good at faking sickies to get a day off school. 'Thought' is the key word there.
My main trick (please God - don't let my children read this) was to put my head under the covers until I was super hot and flushed and then my finisher was I would pinch my cheeks until they were extra red. With that it was time to put on my best sick face and present myself to my parents with the whole "I am too sick for school" sob. Occasionally I would throw in some crocodile tears for good measure.
I thought I was pretty clever. Fast forward to today and I cringe at the dramatics and the naivety at even thinking my parents weren't so on to me.
Yesterday my middle son Sam came downstairs and announced he had a tummy ache and there was just no way he could go to school.
With a very sympathetic shove we sent him back upstairs to get dressed in his uniform. I may or may not have patted myself on the back for being so quick to catch on to his antics. Oh who am I kidding I thought I was so freaking on the ball.
To his credit he got dressed, and came back downstairs looking very flushed. I winked at my hubby with a "I am so on to his cheek pinching" nod, turned to my little Oscar nominee and before I could say "You are preaching to the Pope buddy" he promptly exploded from both ends.
Way to make a point kiddo!
Mothers guilt immediately got to work and I was suddenly all "Oh my poor baby" and choking in my own shame.
Last night as our youngest headed off to bed he complained of a sore tummy. My first thoughts were he was going in for the "I need some attention too" strategy. Cynical much?
But when he woke up just before midnight with the thunder chunders, I once again surrendered myself to the guilt and made a mental note to google "How to be a better Mum" in the morning.
So now we have two sickies on our hands. Inevitably it will go through the entire house just as a little extra punishment for what was clearly some crappy parenting (on my behalf).
What does get my goat going is that whilst they are far too sick and weak to hold the bowl whilst they vomit up last weeks meals and they need you to hold the cup to their mouths as they gingerly sip their Lucozade.... they can work that damn PlayStation remote like there is no tomorrow!
Mum and Dad - Have I mentioned lately how sorry I was for being a little turd? Like really really Sorry!
Ummm Hellooooo Karma Police - ENOUGH of the PAYBACK ALREADY!
Did you chuck a sickie or two in your schooling days?
Are you paying for it now with your own kids?