Are you kind of getting the picture?
I go totally soppy when I am happy for someone and I'm warning you, get yourself a life raft stat if you happen to be near me when I see kids doing anything remotely cute or kid like because my eyes will be leaking all over the place. If you ever meet me in real life I can almost guarantee I will tear up at least once in the first hour.
It's not ideal, my mascara runs, my eyes get all puffy and people think I am hormonal or just plain demented.
If you think I am bad now, you should have seen me when I was pregnant. They should have given me an Ark instead of a Bounty Bag.
I am a sympathy crier too. If I see someone crying, whether it is out of happiness or heaven forbid something sad, well shove on over and I'll sit there and blubber along with you.
Wanna know if I am nervous about something? Well just make me take my sunnies off and look at my eyes, they'll start wiggling and then the tears will come. My Mum always told me they do the same thing if I am telling a lie too, but I suspect she could have been using some sort of Secret service tactics on me with that one. By the way - My mum's a total crier too!
As you can see, even a hug from the gorgeous Val at Inner B was enough to set me off.
I have tried all the different techniques to stop myself crying. Over the years people have offered all sorts of weird and wonderful advice to control the tears and I have also googled the bejeezers out of the subject. Yes I know I am over enthusiastic with my googling.
But what should one do with this abundance of inane information? Share the Wealth I say, share it wide!
So if you are a crier like me, be it happy, hormonal or sympathetic, try some of the following ideas. If nothing else you will feel like a total tool and that will distract you from your tears right?
1. Swallow three times and bite your tongue.
Umm yeah okay, for starters you try swallowing 3 times in a row - its not as easy as you think. Then to top it off bite my tongue? OK so they never stipulated how hard but can I tell you, this advice is just dumb dumb dumb. Anyone who had bitten their tongue knows how freaking painful it is, so that is supposed to stop me crying exactly HOW?
2. Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth and keep rubbing the roof.
Okay so now I look like like a teary lobotomized camel. Not working!
3. Cross your eyes as apparently tears cant come out when your eyes are crossed.
Cause that's really helpful!
4. Pinch yourself.
Well I kind of chucked this one in the same pile as biting your own tongue because sadomasochism isn't really my thing.
5. Look into a light as it causes your pupils to dilate and makes it harder for tears to fall.
Yeah well why not let everyone think I am on drugs as well as hormonal. COME ON!
6. Do a maths problem in your head, it will distract you from what is making you cry.
Because that's what someone who is bleeding their hearts out to me really needs right - me staring into space trying to recall my long forgotten algebra skills.
7. Yawn. It releases tension and disguises tears.
Again refer to point 6, just what my companion needs ... NOT!
8. Bounce on a trampoline or jump up and down on the spot.
Seriously people - where do you get your information from? My pelvic floor is crying just thinking about it!
9. Eat Ice cream. It cools your body down and prevents crying.
As much as I LOVE this suggestion, sadly I never have a paddle pop in my handbag when I need one.
10. Just let it out. Crying release toxins that are bad for your body.
Well Slap me Silly and Call Me Billy, I should be the healthiest person on the whole freaking planet then because I shed A LOT of toxins! But there is something to be said about this one - a good cry for whatever reason, always makes you feel darn good.
Disclaimer* I am not a trained physician though I would totally rock a white coat in my opinion. I have like jack squat qualifications or credibility to advise anyone on anything remotely scientific, therapeutic or medicinal. I am just a curious individual who likes googling random shit!
Are you a crier?
Know any secret tips to ebb the flow?