On the long drive to the airport, we watched as a golden sun rose through the darkness and stained the morning sky with an orangey red glow and I recall the feeling that this was quite a significant moment in time for my family and I. That particularly stunning sunrise sparkled with the promise of a bright new future. We had come to the end of years of operations and rehab as a result of my accident and it seemed appropriate that we celebrated this fresh start as a family, as a tribute to the way we had worked through the hard times, together and united.
This morning, once again as a family we rose in the dark and headed off on a drive to something that would close yet another chapter in our lives. It was the day of my hubby's vasectomy.
I know I have joked about this in previous posts and taken great delight in teasing him about it all. But as we drove this morning, I once again spotted that glowing sun rising, and the enormity of what we were about to do reared up and literally walloped me so hard it momentarily rendered me breathless.
This was it! Safely buckled in the back of the car were 3 beautiful boys. OUR 3 beautiful boys. OUR family.... completed and perfect in almost every way. Yeah I did say almost didn't I, and I actually cringe as I write this as I feel so selfish and ungrateful and truly I don't mean to sound like that. God knows how grateful I am for those precious kids we have been blessed with. It's just that I always imagined there would be one more in the back of the car, a little version of me...... a little girl. Doesnt every woman dream of that?
My husband and I did not take this decision lightly - we have gone over this again and again for the past two years since we entertained the idea of trying for one more child. I have written before about my longing for a girl and I have joked about it on many occasions to friends. But the reality is, we really felt (for so many different reasons) that the circumstances were not right for us to have another child in the hope of having a girl.
Please don't get me wrong I am oh so thankful to have three beautiful healthy boys and I am so thankful that I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is the most brilliant father to those boys.
But that's it - the shop has now closed and I just don't think I was quite as ready as I thought for the finality of it all.
On a different note, tomorrow my middle son Sammy turns 7.
Yup 7 seven years ago, this little monkey came bursting into the world and man I love this kid. I mean I love all my boys, but Sammy has suffered from a neurological condition called Dyspraxia (he has both oral and motor Dyspraxia) and he has just had to work that much harder than the majority to achieve the little things we take for granted like speaking and writing and I so admire his guts and determination.
We could barely understand a word that Sam said until he was nearly 4 and he was 5 before we could hold a conversation with him. From the age of 2 to 4 years he would not speak to anyone outside of his family and he used to act out in frustration when he did speak because no-one understood him.
We are so grateful to the fabulous specialists who worked with him and gave him the gift of speech. You can imagine how thrilled we were when last month Sammy was given an award at school for an outstanding speech in the public speaking competition.
Sam has come so far. He still has therapy for his writing and he still suffers from anxiety which he is also being helped with, but he takes on the world with a huge smile and just does everything with such contagious enthusiasm.
We joke he is the typical Marcia Marcia Marcia middle child, the wild one, you know "the character". But he is also my cuddler and loves to snuggle. He is such a witty little dude and constantly has us in stitches. Sammy adores animals and just genuinely cares about everyone and everything. I am so proud of this little guy.
So how could I not link up today with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday when I have so much to be thankful for.
Happy Birthday Monkey - We love you to the moon and back!