Mornings - you suck even more!!!
You think I am kidding don't you. Well my dear friends I kid you not.
I have a serious allergy to Mondays and mornings in general. A very dangerous, really must be avoided at all costs kind of allergy. You see it is my belief that they were invented with the sole purpose of making my life difficult. They are my nemesis, the bane of my life, the pea in my mattress, the fly in my chardonnay, the hair in my soup, the snag in your favourite shirt. Yep enough already - you get the idea.
I am not a morning person - Ruh eally??? I just don't rate them - mornings that is. In fact I loathe them, nope more than that - I detest them in a brussel sprouts for desert kind of way.
Why do I hate them soooo much? Ha! Let me throw just a few reasons your way.
Have a sniff, you will see why I find them so repulsive.
Come Monday morning my beautiful weekend angels turn into nasty snarling snappy ferals. Gone are the smiling faces, beautiful manners and the delightful giggles. Something happened in those wee hours that changed them so dramatically. A possession maybe? Well call in the exorcist because these guys can be bloody scary and they do everything apart from spinning their heads and spewing green puke.
Unsatisfied with keeping the morning misery to themselves, my whiny little ferals
have to inflict further pain upon everyone by arguing with each other,
taking like forever to get dressed / eat breakfast / brush teeth / feed
the dogs and just generally spread their grumpiness all over everything
If you are brave enough to drag them out of bed you will find that overnight they have developed Tummy aches, Head aches, Toothaches, Leg aches, Life in general aches - all worthy of course of a day off school in their minds.
Well my little darlings - I do love you but no bloody way! Mondays are hard enough without having you guys here to torment me. My advice to you is this - Go to school and get smart, grow up and become prime minister. Then officially declare every Monday as a Public Holiday. Go on - I challenge you, I dare you - whatever it takes! Pretty Please..... do this for your mother.
Why can't we make mornings work? I really have no friggin idea!
We do not have the TV on in the mornings. We are prepared with everything we need the night before, i.e. lunches made, bags packed, clothes laid out. But those same demons that possess my dear boys overnight are surely also be responsible for the missing shoes, drink bottles and lost library books that I swear were there on the bench when I put myself to bed last night.
If it wasn't bad enough that the arrival of the sun in the morning means the end to my dream where George Clooney finally confesses he is like totally in love with me, to which I reply, "I'm sorry George, but you are too late, I have fallen for another man" (insert hubby's name here), I then have to say goodbye to my sweet slumber and the safety of my bed to join in with the manic mayhem that is playing out downstairs.
Hubby is stressed, kids are arghhh, dogs are barking for their breaky and then after all that effort my reward is .... work! Say no more.
Why is it that Sunday night sees me flooded with brilliant ideas for activities, crafts, organising missions amongst other brilliant light bulb moments. Apart from teasing me as I write them down on a list for me to longingly gaze at all week, they are not much good for anything else. As if I am going to get to any of that stuff this week what with school, work, sports, cleaning, homework, life etc etc to distract me.
I have seen those Sultana Bran and Weetbix ads, where the wholesome looking kids arise from their sleep, happy and nice. They gratefully devour their healthy breakfast in the immaculate kitchen and then run happily to their door, school bags packed with all the right books and a nutritionally balanced lunch, waving a cheerful goodbye to their smiling mum who is holding a nice hot cuppa cupped in her perfectly manicured hands.
Bullshit I say! "Up your high and mighty ass" I now hiss at the TV when I see those ads. Granted, it doesn't achieve much and is a bit of a waste of energy really, but it does make me feel slightly better.
So Monday Morning - we meet again! Can you PUHLEASE at least let me finish my coffee without having to reheat it in the microwave 3 times, before you unleash your full wrath on me.
Today I am linking up with Diary of SAHM for I blog On Tuesdays - even though I blogged this on Monday. I am having a lazy day today because Monday (yesterday) gave me such a huge bollocking - revenge for my verbal attack I think!